Listening to Shame. Vulnerability. Weakness.

If you listen to this first, this blog post will make a lot more sense.
So, as I have a solid 35 minutes each way to where I work, I have plenty of time to listen. This is made especially frustrating because where I live (Doha) has only one radio station. It’s not good. It’s…literally unlistenable. Seriously, there is only so long you can listen to unprofessional DJs and playlists that don’t make sense. It’s so bad, I actually look forward to the call to prayer.

I digress.

Hence, podcasts. I mix it up between comedy, essays and recently dropped TEDTalks into the mix. When assholes are trying to kill you with their much larger cars, I find it’s good to be distracted by other people talking. It doesn’t keep my blood pressure down or expletives to cease flying out of me, but at least I am entertained.

In between my imminent death at roundabouts, I thoroughly enjoyed Brene Brown’s ‘Listening to Shame.’ Naturally, I began applying it to my own life.

Emotional risk, innovation, vulnerability as a measure of courage.

Writing isn’t the easiest thing. More or less, you are putting a piece of you – a deeply personal part of you – out for public consumption. As someone who recently went into a day long funk because the first copy of her new book was RETURNED, I’m not entirely sure I’ve made my peace with vulnerability and shame. Shame, you ask? How does that work with being a self published author? Aren’t I shouting from the rooftops that WOW, BUY MY BOOKS BECAUSE THEY ARE SO TOTALLY AWESOME? Actually, no, I am not doing that. Being an author is not the first thing you will find out about me. Why? First of all, I’ll admit it, part of me is still a tiny bit ashamed that I’ve not gone the ‘traditional’ route of publishing. There, I said it. Also, I find self published authors that do this are particularly annoying. There are limits to how much one can self promote. But maybe that’s okay. Listening to Ms. Brown’s presentation, I felt more positive than I had in a long time that something good could come from this place of vulnerability.

Will I ever completely outgrow being ashamed of not having an agent, publisher, professional editor?

Probably not.

After listening to the podcast, do I feel a little better?

Yes, I do.

Big question, but, what are you ashamed of? Where do you feel the most vulnerable?

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